Singaporean Jokes

Found this joke while I was doing research with my friend. Just a joke to lighten the mood. P.S: I don't know who is Ah Beng.

AH BENG the Crazy Singaporean.

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !" Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please" -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes " Yes "
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but
instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it
to my ear, lah" "Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..
what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei
AND LAS VEGAS ?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng : "THANK YOU lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".

Malaysian Jokes

Keep in mind that these are jokes and jokes only. No riots and no racist. Enjoy.....

4 friends, an Indonesian, a French, a Malay, and a Chinese, went hiking on a hill at malaysia together. When they reached the top, the Indonesian took out a cigarette and started smoking halfway before throwing his pack of cigarettes down the hill. He said, "My country lacks of everything except of cigarettes."

Not to be outdone, the French took out an expensive bottle of fragrance, put it on, and threw the remaining down the hill. "My country lacks of everything except of fragrances."

When they both turned their heads to the Chinese, they looked in horror as the Chinese kicked his Malay friend down the hill. "My country ah, what also don't have, only have alot of Malays."

 ..................................................................................................

First flight, ah?

Happy Birthday

It's my dad's birthday and we made a surprise party for him. He made one for my mom recently and it really was a surprise because it was one day early. We copied him and did the exact same thing: Surprise him one day early.

The birthday cake was chocolate flavour(my favourite) and it's called American Chocolate.

Then there was the birthday presents. I gave my dad some songs I think he would like(in the pendrive) and a birthday card. Surprisingly, my brother gave my dad RM600 which was surprising because he's only 8. He gave almost all the paper money he saved and only kept the coins. How thoughtful.


 Birthday food!!!!
My dad ate 'Nasi Dalcha'(not sure of the spelling) and drank coke and sprite.

 BRITHDAY:
   OPERATION: T.S.O.I(try styler on Ipad)
   STATUS:         Failure :P

The last and most important thing about the day was...............................The one and only.........................
                      BiRtHdAy BoY!!!(I'm not talking about the small one)

More like birthday man.

I guess that's it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Pop Art

Usually when I draw a pic, I throw it away and it's usually because I'm not satisfied with it. I only keep it if it's school work and I have 2 pass up to teacher(then I throw it away). Iguess this time is different because it took a little longer than usual 2 do. The unit title was Pop Art and we had 2 make Pop Art. It's either cut and paste many different pics or draw it yourself. I picked drawing. In the artwork, each of us had 2 draw ourselves with a celebrity and the maximum number of people was 5. I draw only 2.
Usually I plan to put the art somewhere and be forgotten after submitting it to teacher but in this case I can admit that it was pretty good. And I'm also planning to put it somewhere in my room which is a good area.
Here r the pics :)

I'm the one on the right . The one on the left is the celebrity(Alissa White-Gluz) from the band The Agonist. She's actually quite pretty in real life and her voice rockZ.

P.S: This post is weird because I am actually talking about my homework.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh ohh My God

Just like in Usher's song except that this song is no where near love. It's just plain ol' "OH MY GOD!". This afternoon when my mom just fetched us(me and my bro) home from school, I was kinda excited because my mom bought my favourite dish from Sushi King. Then when we got home both of us were out of the car except for my mom. It was weird because she is usually the first one out and she looked a little worried. Then she says "I can't find the house keys". And here it comes............"OH MY GOD" I said. we ravaged the whole car even the boot but still no keys.

Then my mom remembered the spare keys she put on the table near the sliding door. The sliding door wasn't locked but the grills were so my mom asked my bro 2 pass her an umbrella and he did it. Luckily the table was light and small and it was easy for my mom 2 use the umbrella 2 pull the table towards her. She took the keys and open the grill of the sliding door. Everyone was relieved as we continued our usual day routine. At about 4 pm, we needed 2 stay at my grandma's house because my mom had 2 go 2 an open house. I brought my bag and did my homework there.

When we got home I skipped dinner because I ate alot of snacks there and I was full. When I was drinking Vico at the dining table my mom said that she found the keys. I asked her where she found it and assumed it was an unlikely place but then she says she found it IHB.

In the tune of OH MY GOD BY USHER

-And she said she found the keys IN HER BAG,
 Then I stare at her saying:
 oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh OHH MY GOD.

A New Addition to the Family

My grandma has 3 cats and every once and a while my brother, mom and me go visit them Tabby, Snider and Penyet(Mickey).Tabby is the oldest and a female. She is a Tortoise Shell Cat. She's the 'diva' in the group and doesn't like to play with Penyet(the youngest in the group).

On the right side is Snider an American Shorthair. He's the sportsman in the group. The most active and the one we keep in the cage the most because he ran away once. Luckily my grandpa found him.

This is Penyet the Persian cat. Penyet means flat in BM. We gave him that name because his face is flat. He's kind of the nerd in the group. Only Snider plays with him and even now that happens rarely. Penyet used to be the youngest before the new guy.

And last but not least, Sally, I think. We're still not sure of the name and I still don't have a pic of her(well I think it's a girl). My grandpa named her sally and no one knows why. It's the youngest in the four cats and it looks a little like Penyet. So I guess that's a new addition to the family.

Old Man From Africa O.o

This story is no where close 2 an old man but how we say it in a chatroom. U know how some people in some chatrooms get a little 'weird' and when u leave them, they never give up bothering u. Well if they do WE(me and my cousin) made a solution to make them leave u alone FOREVER in three easy steps:
STEP 1:
     U ask him "are u sure about that?"
STEP 2:
     Tell him the 'truth'. And when I say truth I mean LIE. Just say "I am actually an old gay man from Africa" Explain and convince him that u are actually 70+
STEP 3:(and ur out!)
     If  he's still there u need 2 really convince him. Sing "tzamina mina eh eh waka waka eh eh" from Shakira's song: Waka Waka. And maybe call him sonny then I give u my guarantee ;)

ATTENTION: This works for chatrooms and chatrooms ONLY. And guys, if a girl bothers u tell her "I am an old les from US" But if any of these tips don't work, turn off ur computer ASAP.